Frustrated expectations.
Benjamin Teixeira by the Spirit Eugênia-Aspásia.
You would like that your friends could understand you promptly and completely (*1). This is the desire of every human being. Given the discrepancy of characters and levels of evolution (which is not small on Earth), it is natural for conflicts to arise frequently in interpersonal relationships. Such contingency, nevertheless, should not surprise you, for it is an ordinary occurrence, on the planet.
On the other hand, do not expect understanding to come first from the outside. Who are the ones rewarded with the treasure of true friends? Heed and you will notice: are those who first forgive, understand, give of themselves, serve, always help, without expecting retribution from the beneficiaries; and all this with no calculation since they do it for the simple pleasure of being helpful. For this reason, they are blessed with a large number of grateful souls surrounding them. Relationships that are ruled by an exceptional affinity and harmony are the result of centuries of constant effort, adjustment, and continuous reciprocal self-giving (but clearly with one giving more than another), of ignored renouncement from a giving and generous heart, which never expects to receive to give back, living for the ideal of love and not justice. Since it is not reasonable to expect that this person be anyone else but you, do, of you, what is within your reach, and, sooner or later, if not from those who most benefited from your affective investment, then from others who will come in the name of the Divine Justice, you will receive the retribution from the Forces of Life, for the tokens of love that you deposited in the coffers of the Universe, which never get lost.
Be grateful today for the affections you already enjoy, even though they are imperfect. If you do not begin to see the good in those with whom you share your daily life in the present, you will not be deserving of anything better tomorrow, when the experiences and learning that bind you to those who now walk with you are exhausted. Even because, if you analyze carefully, you have what you deserve and need, in terms of emotional stimuli, both negative and positive, according to the exact measure of your evolutionary needs, thus you are incited to carry on as you should and not as the dreams of your egotistical fantasies suggest to you.
Pay attention to another curious phenomenon: if you keep yourself righteous in the exercise of genuine affections, the circuits of flux and reflux of Life bring you always better quality friendships, loves and brothers in spirit, progressively.
Do not trouble yourself for feeling it is your duty to let go of those who do not want to be with you. One day they will return, changed, or they may not even be able to be with you, but with another concept of you. What matters is that you do not force unsustainable relationships and keep a civilized distance from those with whom you would engage in an unhealthy intimacy. This would not be a sign of maturity but of emotional morbidity. (*2)
And as the last topic in this brief and unpretentious essay of ours, remember that, often, God “steals” our affections in the external world, so that we seek them within ourselves, in the voice of our own conscience, in the psychic warmth of the spiritual guides, in the transcendent vibrations of prayer. This way, we are compelled to seek Him-Her and live Him-Her, paradoxically, when we most feel disfavored by luck. Moreover, with this Company, Fundamental Affection, what else could anyone want out of life?
(Message received on June 8, 2004.)
(*1) Very rarely Eugênia uses the second person of singular in her texts. This is usual of Eustáquio, one of her friends and writing collaborators of the Quantum Leap Institute. But this form of speaking and writing is not exactly strange to her, since the spiritual master uses Portuguese for at least 3 centuries, elegantly and politely, though, ironically, she has never had a reincarnation in a Portuguese speaking country. Although she prefers the informal use of the third person of singular, which is a usual feature of modern Portuguese, when dealing with the readers, occasionally, perhaps to give a more serious tone to a certain exhortation, she discourses in a more classic manner, thereby co-opting vibrations of circumspection and recollection rom the reader. Still, this is a speculation on my part, since it is not always that spiritual guides make their intentions clear.
(*2) Eugenia alludes to the emotional co-dependency, exhaustively studied in the United States, especially in the 1980s, and all its implications of manipulation of guilt, fear and all sorts of moral and psychic pain, which has nothing to do with a genuine process of spiritual awakening or even psychological health and integration. We must dramatically modify or summarily break relationships set upon these bases, for the sake of the good and the mental health of those involved. This is what specialists in the subject say, with irrefutable evidence.
Unfortunately, co-dependents, who are normally formed in a home in the presence of an alcoholic (currently this etiologic spectrum is extended basically to all human types) are skillful in rationalizing their existential issues, in the entanglement with those they live with. They feel spiritual and loving when they are much more concerned with keeping control of the situation and the relationship, frightened as they are, because of the profound traumas they suffered in the past, never realizing their emotional ailment, which is invisible to them.
Co-dependents are gifted with an incredible talent: they are brilliant psychological chameleons, and in a fantastic behavioral and emotional mimicry, they reflect the mental colors of people, mainly of neurotic relationships they get involved with. They play macabre roles of reciprocal demand and torture, in a sinister ring-round of affection, which consumes not only the co-dependent, as well as their partner of delusion, either another co-dependent or an addicted of some sort. It might be an addiction of the emotional type: an addiction to drama, to jealousy or a hallucinating narcissistic. Co-dependents are, in general, people of good character, but very hurt and unconscious of who they are and what they really want from life, from themselves and from others. They are very perceptive of the problems, the desires and the madness of others, but almost blind concerning their own. (Medium’s notes)